I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
