...so i touched it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
