ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
