If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
