i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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