I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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