I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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