dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
