If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i out mim tonsoeep
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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