Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
