my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's blow job season.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
