Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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