cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
