they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
