tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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