Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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