If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
