Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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