Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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