Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
