my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
