how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
