Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
