He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
