nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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