Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
