is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
