I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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