I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
