His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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