I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize