Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
