cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
