The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
