Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
