I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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