Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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