i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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