Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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