Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
