So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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