there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
