when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
