So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
