A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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