i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Vodka?
Forever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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