That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
