i think my tv is drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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