drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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