the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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