my mouth tastes like poor choices
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found the puke drawer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
