walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
