make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
