Welp...herpes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize