Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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