i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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