so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my being single is dangerous.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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