I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
