Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize