Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
