I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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