Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
