look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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