so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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