The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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