what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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