Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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