We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
