:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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