oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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