I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
