Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
