help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
