do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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